My fiancé wants to invite his ex-girlfriend into our bed before we marry.
He feels he needs to get her out of his system.
They parted abruptly in 2020 at the start of the pandemic. She was forced to move home to care for her parents, while he stayed on in their rented flat.
Then he got a new job and the landlord sold the flat and they drifted apart.
Now he’s engaged to me and she’s living 60 miles away but he still feels there’s unfinished business between them.
He complains they split after four years without a proper goodbye.
He swears he loves me and fully intends to spend the rest of his life in my arms but feels if he sleeps with her just one more time that chapter will be closed.
I can join in if I want to or I can simply sit and watch.
I’ve spoken to her on video calls a few times and she seems very nice. She has a new on-off boyfriend and assures me she’s not interested in getting back with my bloke.
She agrees their split was clumsy and is willing to go along with the plan.
I love him with all my heart and am desperate to make him smile but is this the ultimate sacrifice? What he doesn’t realise is that I’m secretly a very insecure and jealous person.
I don’t know what would feel worse, watching them at it or joining in. What can I say without appearing to be a spoilsport?
JANE SAYS: I suggest you tread very carefully.
On paper your fiancé’s request sounds vaguely reasonable. For several years he was with a woman he loved. Then circumstances forced them to part.
Their split was hurried and not of their making. She went off to care for her parents, while he was forced to leave the property they’d shared together. Now life has moved on but she is still niggling away at the back of his mind.
You’re right to be worried about opening this can of worms. What if he enjoys the reunion sex session just a bit too much? What if he wishes to carry on seeing her?
Also, how can you be sure that this is the last request of this nature that he’ll make?
What if he comes up with another story about another ex-lover down the line? If he loves you then why does he want or need anyone else?
I’m sure lots of people have been in relationships that have ended abruptly for one reason or another.
Protect yourself by thinking this through. Don’t do anything you’re not completely comfortable with.
Do you really know your fiancé properly? Don’t be afraid to call off the wedding if things don’t feel right or aren’t adding up.
Maybe you’d be better off addressing your own feelings of insecurity and growing as a (single) individual?
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