If missionary is your go-to, try these nine ways to make sex more interesting…
It’s not unusual to experience a dry spell in the bedroom.
After all, sex can take a backseat when life gets busy, libidos dwindle or things just get, well, a bit stale.
But if there’s one thing that’s really going to make sex feel like a chore, it’s monotony.
So if missionary – the man on top, the woman on her back – is your go-to, it might be time to up the ante.
While missionary is a popular sex position, it’s often labelled as the most boring.
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“This is really down to a lacklustre mindset, rather than the position itself,” explains Emily King, sex therapist and sexologist at women’s sexual wellness platform SheSpot.
“There is no ‘bad’ sex position, but there is the tendency to have obligatory, habitual sex that lacks curiosity and enthusiasm,” she says.
But fear not, you don’t need to contort your body into back-breaking positions.
After all, research by Lovehoney found that 45% of Brits say they don’t have sex because they’re too tired.
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“Missionary is a favourite because of comfort, and rightly so,” Emily says.
“An exciting sex life is not necessarily one that tests your flexibility and joints, but one that prioritises comfort. When we’re relaxed, our bodies can access deeper levels of arousal.”
Try these nine easy hacks to bring sexy back to the bedroom.
Aim for the A-spot
Adding a pillow under your hips tilts your pelvis into a position that allows for easier penetration and the possibility of hitting two tantalising spots.
“It makes the anterior wall of the vagina – the front towards the navel – more accessible during penetration with a toy, fingers or a penis,” says Emily.
“There are two internal pleasure spots here: the G-spot and the A-spot.”
The latter is located deeper, near the cervix.
Resting on a pillow also helps those with smaller penises who want deeper penetration and prevents neck pain when giving oral sex, as the neck doesn’t need to be as strained to reach the vagina.
The Liberator Microfibre Sex Position Wedge, £99.99, from Lovehoney, offers the optimal 27-degree angle of elevation for deeper penetration if regular bedroom pillows aren’t cutting it.
Lock ’em in
Go deep with this move that can help increase your chances of orgasm.
“While in missionary, wrap your legs around your partner’s body,” Emily explains.
“This gives you more control, as you are able to pull them deeper inside and move your body so your internal pleasure zones can be stimulated.”
Twist and pout
A lazy lover’s dream, try this twist on spooning.
Your partner enters from behind, while the two of you lie facing the same direction.
Then, twist so that you are lying on your back with your knees towards your chest, your partner still in the spooning position.
It’s ultimate comfort – and the best view for your partner, who has access to your entire body.
“The physical closeness is primed for depth of emotional intimacy,” says Emily.
“Add in soft, teasing nipple stimulation, clitoral stimulation and neck kissing, too.”
Lube it up!
There’s no shame in reaching for the lube when you want to hurry things along.
Not only does it enhance your partner’s experience, it also intensifies touch for you.
“For vaginal pleasure, use lubricant and add extra stimulation around the clitoris,” says Cécile Gasnault, brand director at Smile Makers.
Try The Oh Collective Joy Jelly Tingling Water Based Lube, £15, a pH-balanced formula that tingles for extra enjoyment.
Get the toys out
Sex toy websites and shops can feel overwhelming.
So start with one of the basics, such as a bullet vibrator, and see how it elevates pleasure with minimal effort.
“There’s no harm in using toys, particularly as they can make sex more enjoyable for both partners and can help trigger an orgasm,” says Emily.
“Keep toys close in a bedside table for easy access.”
Vibrators are useful for those who struggle to orgasm with vaginal penetration alone.
What’s more, Cécile says: “Stimulating the clitoris externally first to make it erect and create a tighter fit around the vagina can help you reach climax through vaginal stimulation.”
Maintain eye contact
Gazing into your partner’s eyes is one of the most useful, yet underrated, ways to intensify sex.
“Eye contact is the number-one thing people mention when I ask what makes somebody great at flirting,” says Alice Child, sex therapist and sexologist at SheSpot.
“It’s a really powerful tool to build connection, playfulness and intimacy,” adds Emily.
“Eye contact contributes to the building of anticipation of sexual energy and works particularly well if you sync your breathing, too.”
It’s not natural for everyone, though.
Suggest the idea to your partner in a non-sex situation.
Sit across from each other and hold each other’s gaze for a minute or two.
It may feel awkward initially, but will feel more natural with practice, and in time, you’ll be able to carry it into the bedroom.
Get to the bottom of it
“Anal pleasure can lead to some of the most incredible, orgasmic experiences in the human body,” Alice says.
“It’s filled with nerve endings, both externally and internally, so there is so much pleasure potential!” It doesn’t have to include penetration, though.
“To begin, think about experiencing anal touch in a deeply relaxed body,” says Emily.
“Work on deep breathing and slow, circular massage around the outer sphincter muscles. The anus can open when, and if, it feels like moving toward penetrative play.”
There’s another hot spot hidden on the posterior wall of the vagina, called the K-spot, which can respond to pressure both vaginally or anally.
Play together
Sometimes we like to get the job done ourselves – and masturbation allows you to do that.
But letting your partner watch you self-pleasure will not only turn them on, but also help them learn how you like to be touched, and vice versa.
“It can be easier to show your partner, rather than try to explain what you need with words,” says Alice.
“The watcher can still be very intimate and connected to the experience – for example, they can stroke your body and whisper in your ear how sexy you look.”
Unleash the dragon
Try the “dragon” position.
Lie on your front with a pillow under your hips.
Your partner rests on top of you, leaning on their hands either side of you.
“Accessing the back of a woman’s body in this more comfortable position means your partner can massage your lower back,” says Emily.
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“This hot spot is packed with nerves that can contribute to building orgasmic energy. Experiment with pillows to adjust your pelvis tilt and help you find your anterior pleasure spots.”
Pair this with clitoral stimulation for multi-orgasmic potential!
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