What celibacy REALLY does to you! Tracey Cox reveals the bad things that can happen to your body (and your relationship) when you stop having sex

• British sex expert says that regular sex can improve your overall wellbeing 
• READ MORE:  Tracey Cox reveals unexpected acts that can ruin a relationship

Enjoyable, regular sex has so many physical and psychological health benefits, it’s (almost) as important to our health as sleeping and eating well.

Take it off the agenda and you could put your health at risk.

Happily, if you don’t have a partner or they aren’t interested in having sex, there’s a simple solution. Have sex with yourself: masturbating to orgasm will reap many of the rewards.

Otherwise, stop having sex at your peril.

You might well find…

Taking regular sex off the agenda could put your health at risk as well as undermining your relationship, warns Tracey Cox (stock image) 

Your sex organs (and bladder) won’t function as well

Orgasm causes your pelvic floor to contract, strengthening the muscles with highly beneficial consequences.

Strong pelvic floor muscles make for intense orgasmic contractions which feel more pleasurable. They also improve bladder function and reduce leakage and incontinence. (Incontinence affects around 30 per cent of women at some point in their lives.)

10 REASONS WHY PEOPLE DON’T HAVE SEX 

Some are a lifestyle choice, others relate to age, stage and beliefs.

You’re voluntarily celibate

You don’t want to get pregnant and don’t trust birth control. You want to avoid getting an STI and don’t believe condoms fully protect you (they don’t). It’s a religious or spiritual choice. Your partner lives apart from you.

You’re asexual

Asexuality means you don’t experience sexual attraction to other people. This doesn’t mean you won’t masturbate solo just that you don’t choose to have sex with anyone else involved.

You’re transfixed by technology. Social media offers endless hits of dopamine; streaming channels keep you up when you once used to be in bed having sex.

You’ve outgrown your partner. You got married young with the same aspirations but while your partner plodded a predictable path, your career soared. Ten years on, you’re horribly mismatched in achievements, income and lifestyles.

You’re experiencing sexual dysfunctions or health issues. Erection problems, painful sex, general ill-health and flexibility issues. Most of these things are treatable, but lots don’t seek help.

Your self-esteem is low. If you have no confidence – don’t like how you look and don’t feel remotely desirable – you’re unlikely to think of sex as a fun thing to do.

You’re depressed or anxious. Four million people in the UK, three million Australians and more than 35 million Americans are long-term users of antidepressants. What’s a common side effect of taking these drugs? Low libido.

You don’t find your partner attractive. I often ask couples, ‘If you met your partner now, would you fancy them or want to date them?’. If the answer is an immediate and vehement ‘God no!’, it’s obviously the relationship is limping along, and sex stopped a long time ago.

You have a low sex drive. Our ‘resting libido’ – how much we want sex once the initial spike of ‘new’ sex settles – is largely genetic. If your desire for sex is very low, there’s little incentive to seek it out.

You’ve had your fill. Some people get to a certain stage or age and decide to close the door on sex. If you’ve never really been into it, hitting 50 or 60 sometimes means hitting your limit.

A weak pelvic floor doesn’t just make orgasm feel less enjoyable, it affects your ability to have them. The contractions become weaker the less you use the muscles.

Regular sex also helps to keep your vagina tight. Stop having it and the vaginal tissue becomes thinner and more prone to tearing.

If that’s not convincing you, try this: The clitoris is one of the most sensitive areas of the human body. Starve it of sexual stimulation, however, and it temporarily shrinks and loses sensation. It’s called clitoral atrophy, it’s caused by a lack of blood flow and it’s not something you want to happen to you.

Sex is a natural painkiller as well: endorphins can help alleviate menstrual cramps and headaches.

Your heart health suffers

Sex increases heart rate and blood flow, contributing to overall heart health. A much-cited study found men who have sex twice a week have a lower risk of developing cardiovascular disease than those who have it less than that.

Sex burns a lot of calories as well: up to 150 to 200 calories per hour. Don’t scoff – that’s comparable to walking, swimming laps and downhill skiing.

Another study reported that people who have regular sex have lower blood pressure than those who don’t.

You’ll feel more stressed

Stress impacts our sex life in two ways. When we’re under stress, our desire for sex falls. But when we have it, our stress levels fall.

The takeaway here is obvious: even if you don’t feel like sex, it’s in your interest to do it anyway.

Sex relieves anxiety and stress by triggering ‘feel good’ hormones like oxytocin and dopamine. These relax our body, boost bonding and lift our mood. Sex also decreases levels of cortisol and adrenaline (stress hormones) reducing anxiety further. Add a healthy dose of happiness inducing endorphins and you start to see why sex feels so good in our brain.

It also provides a positive distraction: a 2021 study found people who had active sex lives during the pandemic had significantly lower scores on anxiety and depression.

Your sleep quality will fall

Forget sleeping pills – having an orgasm will work just as well to improve the quality of your sleep (without the toxic side-effects).

It’s those helpful hormones again: endorphins, oxytocin and prolactin all surge after orgasm, making you fall asleep faster and increasing time spent in better sleep cycles (like REM sleep).

You’ll catch more colds

Chuck out the Vitamin C and throw your partner on the bed instead: people who have regular sex have stronger immune systems.

A US study found people who have sex once or twice a week have higher levels of immunoglobulin, an antibody that plays a crucial role in immune function. Immunoglobulin is what defends your body against germs, viruses and other intruders.

There’s proof that sexually active people take fewer sick days.

Tracey Cox says that weekly sex means you’re likely to be satisfied in your relationship and have better communication with your partner 

Your mental health will be impacted

As well as heightened stress and anxiety, being abstinent means you’re more likely to be depressed, feel inadequate and lonely and have low self-esteem.

If stopping having sex wasn’t your decision, not having increases feelings of insecurity. Feeling undesirable isn’t pleasant. Regular sex provides a sense of safety and comfort and reassures us that our partner finds us attractive.

If you’re the one who stopped it, you’ll be struggling with other negative emotions like guilt. One study of more than 10,000 women found 81 per cent of women with partners felt distressed because of low desire.

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE CELIBATE? 

Here’s a cross section of what people told me not having sex felt like.

‘Devastating. My wife isn’t interested at all and won’t even talk about the fact that we haven’t had sex for years. I’m staying because I love her, but I silently seethe with resentment.’

‘I’m 45 and newly divorced and not having to have sex is the best present anyone could give me. I hated doing it and – with luck – won’t ever have to again.’

‘My boyfriend is only 38 and isn’t interested at all. He says it’s nothing to do with my attractiveness, but he’s got to be up to something. Having affairs or watching loads of porn. It’s ruining our relationship.’

‘I’m a straight female, 32-years-old and a virgin. I missed the moment when other people lost their virginity and now it all feels overwhelming. Sex seems to cause people lots of problems. I’m scared of it if I’m honest.’

‘We have three children under five. Sex is the last on the list and never happens. Secretly, I’m pleased. It was never something I enjoyed very much. I’m not sure my husband agrees though.’

‘I’ve avoided sex with a partner since I started having problems getting an erection. It’s much less effort doing it solo – no pressure and no judgement.’

Yes, it’s entirely possible to have a fulfilling romantic relationship without having sex. But having it weekly reaps so many benefits: improved communication, better mood, feeling closer and more connected to your partner. Regular sex people nearly always tick the high relationship satisfaction box.

It can also help your memory. Research found adults aged 50 and over who have sex more frequently perform better on memory tests.

Your desire for sex in the future plummets

Stop having sex and you quickly forget just how good it can feel.

Remember the ‘365 nights of sex challenge’, that did the rounds years ago? It was in response to two books that (weirdly) both got released around the same time. In each, a married couple vowed to have sex every single day for a year to see how it impacted their relationship. Both couples said daily sex made them feel happier, less angry and less stressed. The other benefit was the more each couple had sex, the more they felt like having sex.

A Canadian study backed this up, proving that having sex one day makes you crave it more the next.

It’s not good for men either! 

‘No Nut November’ is an annual abstinence challenge that encourages men and women to give up any type of sex that leads to orgasm for the month.

It started when a group of men challenged each other online to take a break from masturbating, claiming it would benefit both body and mind.

The movement is (worryingly) gaining popularity with devotees promised improved mental focus, heightened testosterone, and higher self-esteem from being able to ‘control yourself’. It’s also touted as a way to decrease addiction to porn. Those who ‘fail’ are often shamed online.

The truth is exactly the opposite.

Masturbating is good for you for a myriad of reasons. It helps people understand how their body works and to get comfortable with it. People who masturbate are more easily aroused and more likely to orgasm. This, in turn, makes partnered sex better because you know what feels good and what techniques work best for you.

As for breaking porn addiction, research strongly suggests it’s mainly people who feel morally conflicted about porn who struggle with it. (Feeling intense, overwhelming feelings of shame, even if you only view porn very infrequently.) Enjoying looking at porn regularly is not addiction.

There’s another good reason for men to ejaculate more frequently, not less.

A 2016 study found men who ejaculated at least 21 times per month had a lower risk of prostate cancer compared with those who ejaculated four to seven times a month.

Listen to SexTok with Tracey and Kelsey every Wednesday. Check out Tracey’s product range – Tracey Cox Edge (for men) and Tracey Cox Supersex (for women and couples) at lovehoney.co.uk.

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